6 Movies That Would Be Awesome with a Muppet Remake

A couple things before we dive in. 

First, it has been forever since I did a book review. Which sucks mostly because I haven't done a book review because I haven't been reading. Well, not books. Been reading a bunch of fan-fiction. But for some reason I haven't been able to focus on an actual book. Hopefully, that will change soon. Because I miss reading. 

Which brings be to my second thing. I'm going to start doing reviews of books I read on Kindle. Not sure why I decided that I wasn't going to do that. But I have read some great books on there. Most of which I got for free (because I'm a broke-ass bitch and I love free things). 

Third, I was originally going to share fan fiction on here. My own and other people's that I have read and enjoyed. But I decided that I'm just going to use Tumblr to do that. Tumblr is more suited for the sharing of fan fiction. I might still share original work I read on Archive of Our Own here. Because people have written fucking novels on that site and you can read them for free.

That's all of that. Now on to talking about Muppets.

Okay. I keep seeing posts of “You know what a good movie for a Muppet remake would be?” Which are always fucking fantastic. My favorites have been Lord of the Rings and Beauty and the Beast so far. But after seeing one, my brain goes into “what movies would be better with Muppets?” mode and I just fixate on it for a while. So, now I’m making lists about it. 

Basically, I’m going to name a movie, tell you a movie. Give you who I think should be the one human character, as they do in Muppet movies. And then give a rundown of some parts that will be awesome with Muppets involved.

I will try very hard to not mention ones that I have seen other people talk about. But if I do, sorry? 

 

A Batman Movie

No idea which Batman movie. Maybe just make a new one to please me.

Only human character? 

Batman. 

Just picture a human Batman beating the shit out of a bunch of Muppets. Hilarious, right? Oh gods, I’m giggling about it again. Batman on a rooftop talking to Kermit as Commissioner Gordon. Batman fighting muppet thugs with a Fozzie Bear Robin fighting at his side. 

 

Interview With the Vampire

Only human character? 

Lestat

Okay. My friends mentioned this one and it will not leave my brain. Remember the scene after Louis burns the house and they end up at a hotel with two prostitutes? Now, picture that with Muppets.

 

Star Wars: A New Hope

Only human character? 

Darth Vader

Oh, come on. Just picture Vader force-choking a Muppet. Hilariously dark. Kermit as Han, Miss Piggy as Leia, and Fozzie as Luke. All fantastic.

 

Jurassic Park

Only human character? 

Either none. Or Alan Grant.

An entire cast of muppets being chased by a bunch of muppet dinosaurs would be great. Or an entire cast of muppets being chased by “realistic” (by Jurassic Park standards) dinosaurs would be great. Dr. Grant being surrounded by muppets while being chased by dinosaurs would be fucking epic. Still played by Sam Neill though. If he can’t do it, just Muppet-ify everyone.

 

The Shining

Only Human Character? 

Danny.

I just can’t stop seeing that bit with the axe and the door performed by a Muppet. Fozzie maybe. 

 

The Avengers

Only Human Character? 

Bruce Banner/Hulk

I just wanna see Hulk throwing muppets around… Because I am an evil person.

“I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say, man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide…”

-Mitch Hedberg

Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton

Book Warnings:

Major character death

graphic depictions of violence/death

minor character death

Spoilers for the book and movie

Do I have to supply y'all with a summary? I mean, the plot of the book is the same as the movie. Rich old guy decides he's gonna clone (get someone to clone) dinosaurs and build a park. Things do not go well. 

There. 

Summary done.

There are quite a few differences from the movie to the book (from the book to the movie?), but if you want a complete rundown of the differences, Check out Dominic Noble's video about it. Love him. 😍 

Anyway! 

Let's see... What to say, what to say...

Hammond is an ass. I was very meh when his death happened. 

Gennaro (the lawyer that died on the toilet in the movie) was much better in the book. He wasn't the best character but he was still pretty fucking good. 

Lex in the book was pretty fucking annoying most of the time, but she did give the animals better names than "Rexy".

Soooo many dinosaurs. In the movie, we get, like, what? Three dinosaurs? Four? Book gives us so much more. And only a small percentage is trying to eat the people. This just goes to prove that this whole idea could have been done with the herbivores and shit would have been fine.

The beginning of the book was a bit slow for me. I dunno. It just took me a while to get excited to read it. But by the time everyone is at the park, I couldn't stop reading.

Oh, and Dr. Wu explaining how they cloned dinosaurs was pages of me wishing for Mr. DNA. I'm not good with science stuff, so give me a little cartoon to explain shit. Cause your big words mean nothing to me.

 This is a good read that I highly recommend to anyone who enjoyed the movies.