So I was going to post something yesterday, but my daughter has this history project she's doing and after I helped her on it, my brain was mush and I just sat around reading Schitt's Creek fan-fiction. Here's a really long survey that I found
here. Enjoy. Or don't. I don't control you.
1. What's your name? Steph
2. How old are you? 34... I think...
3. Greatest birthday gift you ever got? I'm gonna say money or gift cards...
4. Do people who you think are prettier than you make you feel subconscious? Everything makes me feel subconscious...
5. Are you a shy person? Kind of...
6. Worst memory you have? Oh, there's a lot of these. Too long to put here.
7. First memory you can remember? Asking my parents what "shit" meant.
8. Do you have a favorite pair of shoes? My Doc Marten boots. I love them.
9. Oldest object you own? When did you get it? Probably my stuffed Little Foot. My dad bought it for my mom for Christmas when the original movie came out, but somehow I ended up with him. I wanna say I was about five when he came into my possession.
10. Meanest person you know? Why do you feel this way? Me. Cause I am a colossal bitch.
11. Best teacher you ever had? Mr. Shaver for West Virginia History.
12. Greatest lesson you learned... on your own? People suck.
13. Worst heartbreak? Who caused it, and what was it over? Ugh. I dunno.
14. Ever been dumped? By who? I was dumped in all but one of my relationships. Two. All but two of my relationships.
15. Have you ever dumped someone? Why? I dumped two guys. Both because I realized we wanted different things.
16. Best thing to do on a rainy day? Stay inside and read.
17. Who do you look like most, mom or dad? It's a good mesh I think.
18. What celebrity do you think you look like? A Jawa.
19. Are you a virgin? Uh. No.
20. The weirdest spot you ever had sex? In a car I guess. I lead a pretty vanilla sex life.
21. Do you like the rain? Sometimes. I hate when it's cold and rainy. But a light rain on a hot day is like heaven.
22. Weirdest experience you ever had? This one time my brother (Rutherford) and I were at a local bar. This guy is chatting me up, buys me a beer, little bit of flirting. Later, Rutherford and I return to his place and I start telling him about the guy and he's like "Wait, *describes the dude*?" And I'm like "Yeah." And he proceeds to tell me the guy was talking to him, and bought him a beer as well. So we made jokes about him wanting to have a threesome with us. Then we realized how ew that was and didn't speak of it again.
23. Your best friend in 1st grade? Girl named Jenny.
24. Your best friend now? I got three. Ryan, Erica and Adriane.
25. Do you trust people? Not really. I trust my friends, but that's about it.
26. Where do you buy most of your food? Walmart.
27. Do you like Starbucks or McDonald's coffee more? I've never had either. Well, I get those Starbucks frap drinks from Walmart that come in the glass bottles.
28. Do you love packages? I really wanna make a dick joke here...
29. Last thing you ordered online? Ordered me and Short Round some stuff off Amazon with our Christmas gift cards. Books, DVDs and Short Round ordered herself a purse.
30. Last thing you bought? Cat food?
31. Last house you have been to, who's was it, and why were you there? My gramma's. My mom needed to tell her some things so I took her up.
32. Last thing that upset you? Not being able to find these explorers my daughter was looking up for her history project. Starting to think the teacher made them up to be a dick.
33. One thing that people do that you cannot stand? Oh, I can't stand a lot of things people do.
34. Do you speed? Nope.
35. Do you roll through stop signs? Nope.
36. Have you ever been a drunk driver? I have driven intoxicated in my younger days, I regret it and am thankful no one got hurt.
37. Do you have kids? I have one child.
38. One kid you cannot stand? Are we talking kids I know, cause there is a small list of my daughter's classmates that I do not like.
39. Rudest person you know: I am going to plead the fifth on the grounds that the person might (unlikely) read this...
40. How old were you when you had your first kiss? A boy kissed my cheek in fifth grade. Then nothing until high school, I think.
41. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nope. And you would understand if you knew the teachers I had.
42. Did or do you play any school sports? Nope. Not my thing.
43. Can you swim? Nope.
44. Tell me the scariest thing that has ever happened to you: So for my friend's bachelorette party, we went to the West Virginia Penitentiary and spent the night. Super fucking awesome, I suggest doing it. But I think the scariest part was when me, her and her other friend were standing in the dining hall, just checking shit out, when a side door started opening. I scream like a bitch and shove my friend towards the door. It ended up being some other people on the tour thing. We all had a good laugh. But I straight up thought it was a ghost and tried to sacrifice my friend to it. I still feel bad about the second part.
45. Has anyone ever saved your life? Not that I am aware of.
46. If you were in the water and saw a shark, what would you do? Why the fuck am I in the water that has sharks?!
47. Do bugs scare you? Depends. If a bug is just hanging out in my general vicinity, I can be cool. But if that son of a bitch is on me there will be screaming.
48. Your pet peeve: Oh gees... There's a lot.
49. What do you think the worst trait another person can have is? hypocrisy.
50. Do you have any pimples on your face right now? Yes.
51. Do you wear makeup? Nope.
52. Do you know anyone who is a severe drug addict? I don't think so.
53. Have you ever smoked pot? Yep.
54. Done coke? Nope.
55. Do you take sleeping pills? Nope.
56. Are you depressed right now? I'm always depressed.
57. Have you ever written a suicide letter? No.
58. Last thing you cried about? Schitt's Creek. Oh my god, season five had me crying a lot. Towards the end, it was all happy tears.
59. Who would you trade your life for? Nothing. I mean, unless it was a "you-or-them" situation and then I'd probably sacrifice myself for my friends or daughter...
60. Would you sacrifice your life for someone else's baby? I want to say yes so I look like a good person, but I dunno man...
61. Would you sacrifice your life for someone else? If so who: Certain people, yes. Other people can fuck right off.
62. Tell me about your latest dream: The last one I remember I was late to pick my daughter up from school and I woke up panicking.
63. What time do you normally wake up in the morning? 5:45. Lately, though I've been sleeping in until six. Which I need to stop. That extra fifteen minutes in the mornings helps oddly enough.
64. What are you looking forward to? Spring.
65. Anything you are dreading right now? A lot of shit.
66. Did you go to your prom? Nope. My school didn't have one, actually. Went to a tiny private Christian school. Graduating class of 14 or 15 kids. So a prom wasn't logical.
67. Have you ever been in a limo? Nope.
68. Have you ever been the maid of honor in a wedding party? Yes. I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding and shared maid of honor duties for my best friend, Adriane's wedding.
69. The most embarrassing thing you have ever done: Ooooh, there's too much for me to shift through.
70. Has anyone ever seen you naked? Yes.
71. Has anyone ever told you that you were ugly? Yes. A lot of them were guys online that I said I didn't wanna hook up with.
72. Do you think you're pretty? I'm average, I guess.
73. Do you like guys who are shorter than you? They're okay.
74. What was the name of your first pet? Mama Cat.
75. Do you have a calendar? If so, what is the theme of it? Sloths.
76. What type of cell phone do you have? iPhone.
77. About how many text messages do you send per day? Oh, I send a lot of texts to Ryan. Like, an unusual amount. Like, if his boyfriend seen how many I sent he would be jealous until he realized it was all just random commentary about whatever I'm doing.
78. Have you ever made friends with someone online that you never met before? Yes.
79. Did you ever meet with someone you met online? Yep.
80. Your biggest fear: Something happening to my daughter...
81. Your worst enemy: Myself. And Ronald McDonald.
82. Does anyone hate you, if so why? I don't know...
83. Nicest thing you have ever done for a complete stranger: I don't do nice things.
84. Meanest thing you have ever done to a complete stranger: I have no idea.
85. Have you ever been sent to the principal's office? If so why? And how did you feel? Yes. A boy hit me in fifth grade. I was annoyed because we had to listen to a lecture about bullying.
86. Lost someone close to you? I misplaced Heather once at the mall. It's cool, I found her by shouting "Marco!"
87. Are your grandparents still alive? I have one living grandparent.
88. Have you ever witnessed someone dying? No.
89. Have you ever saved a life? Nope.
90. Where do you work? I don't.
91. Do you like it? Uh. No. Not a bit.
92. First job you ever had? Hardee's. I worked the front line and drive-thru taking orders and getting yelled at.
93. First boss you ever had. Do you like them? We had a few different managers at Hardee's. Little Dale was my favorite cause he was like a hobbit.
94. Do you know how to fly a kite? Maybe?
95. Biggest accomplishment in your life is... Raising an awesome kid.
96. Have you ever thrown a theme party? If so, what was the theme? No. Always wanted to throw a costume party, but never did.
97. How many friends do you have...really? Like, four...
98. Friend with the best teeth: Not me. Heather?
99. Ugliest friend: None of them. They are all beautiful. You shut your lying face.
100. Prettiest friend: It's a tie between all of them.
101. Have you ever shagged a friend? Not the friends I have now...
102. Ever dated someone you were best friends with first? No. Dated a couple guys that I was friends with... but not best friends.
103. Favorite radio station? I don't listen to the radio. It annoys me.
104. Ever won a contest? Yeah... I don't remember anything about it, but I remember winning something as a child...
105. What is your life like day to day? Wake up, take Short Round to school, take my mom wherever she needs to go, try to write, pick Short Round up from school, dinner, help Short Round with any school stuff she needs help with, try to write, sleep. Sprinkle in watching TV and reading and that's my average day.
106. Person you want to see right now: Seeing Ryan would be pretty awesome...
107. Person you hope you never run into again: Oh, so many people are on that list.
108. Have you ever cheated on someone? Nope.
109. Ever been cheated on? Probably.
110. Have you ever had a friend turn their back on you? Yep.
111. Has a friend ever made you cry? Not the current line-up.
112. Name one friend you have, that you don't truly trust: Oh no, those aren't my friends. Those are acquaintances.
113. Have you ever made a popcorn garland for a tree? I think I did once as a kid. It was annoying as fuck and I never did it again.
114. Do you know how to make dough? What kind of dough? Like... I can follow a recipe, but I don't guarantee it would be good.
115. Best dish you know how to cook: I dunno.
116. Do you have a pool? Nope.
117. Do you own your house, or do you still live with your parents? Still live with the parentals.
118. What do you think of people on welfare? I have no opinion.
119. What do you think of today's economy? It's shit?
120. What thing do you think people can do to improve the economy? Stop being shits?
121. Do you like the president? Nope.
122. What do you think of this swine flu pandemic? Oh, this survey is old.
123. Do you think the end is near? Yep.
124. Are you religious? Nope.
125. Have you ever lost someone to tragedy? Nope.
126. Have you ever skinny dipped before? Nope.
127. Have you ever pool hopped? I don't even know what that is.
128. Have you ever streaked? Yes. Sort of.
129. What movie could you watch over and over again, and never get sick of it? Oh... There's a big list of these, too.
130. Tell me a movie that you watched, and you didn't understand what it was about? I can't think of any right now, but I know there have been a few movies that I was just yelling "what the fuck?!" the whole time.
131. As a kid did you collect garbage pail kid cards? Yeah. And I have a collection of them still.
132. How about cabbage patch? I had quite a few Cabbage Patch dolls.
133. Do you remember Denver the last Dinosaur? I don't know what that is.
134. How about the show Dinosaurs? Oh yeah. We have the DVDs. Love that show.
