(also posted on my Tumblr - with gifs!)
Video games are great. I love video games. Love a day of just relaxing and playing a nice video game. Until I get to these parts. Then there is screaming and tears and just an overwhelming sense of dread.
Okay, that’s not entirely true. I’m being dramatic. But fuck, do I hate these parts in some of my favorite video games.
There be spoilers ahead for Dragon Age: Origins mostly.
The Broken Circle in Dragon Age: Origins
This part has become less hated by me the more often I play it. The first time I spent days stuck in the Fade. Screaming mostly. Now I can bust it out in a few hours with only the occasional scream. But even going in knowing I can easily make my way through it, and deal with the enemies thrown at me, every time I step into the Circle Tower my brain just starts screaming.
Orzammar in Dragon Age: Origins
Unlike the Fade, Orzammar still takes me days to get through. There’s all the actual Orzammar bullshit, plus the Deep Roads. Dear gods… The Broodmother. And that boss fight against Branka. Every time I think about playing Origins I just remember that part and start screaming. And then, after all that you get to help decide on a new king. Because of course you do. Bhelen is kind of a dick (and if you’re playing as a dwarf noble, even more of a dick). Harrowmont seems like a good dude. Ah, but you find out at the end of the game that Bhelen is probably the best option for the good of Orzammar. Fuck Orzammar. May the darkspawn take you.
Night Terrors in Dragon Age 2
And we’re back in the Fade. This time the Fade part takes an hour or so of gameplay. Fairly straightforward and almost easy. At least until all your companions start betraying you and you have to fight them. Except for Anders, which is shocking to anyone who has played this game to the end. So the best option is to just ditch everyone before heading into the Fade. Take Anders if you are feeling lonely, but Justice takes over and is kind of a dick. And make sure you say the right things to that sleeping guy or he’ll go a little crazy and beg for death. Besides all that, super fun times in the Fade.
Arrival DLC for Mass Effect 2
As this is DLC, it is completely optional. And if you do complete it, the payoff is pretty decent in the third game. Not decent enough for me to have played this more than once. Fuck the Batarians. Not really, sorry guys. But ugh, this mission. And for reference on how much I hate this mission, I play all the other DLC (but the multiplayer stuff… Stephy no play multiplayer…). I get traumatized by Overlord every time, and cry every time. I play the fucking Hammerhead missions, guys! The Hammerhead! But Arrival? I look at that entry in my journal and just nope right out of there.
Any timed mission in all the Assassin’s Creed games
I am not good with timed missions. I turn into a complete moron if there is a timer onscreen. I forget how to play the game completely and can’t remember what button is what. Even though I was kicking ass right before the timer appeared. But for some reason, they seem worse in the Assassin’s Creed games. Races and such never get done if I don’t have to do them. They’re just constant little reminders on my map about how I am a failure at running. And if a main mission has a timed portion, you better believe it is going to take me at least five times to get past it.
The vaults in Mass Effect: Andromeda
I fucking hate these things. I start panicking the second I step into one and it just gets worse the longer I am in one. The worst part is the fucking death clouds. I think I have been killed by those maybe twice. And each time it was something silly. You know, shit like getting stuck behind a barricade because I didn’t see it for whatever reason. But as soon as I hit that button for the death cloud I start screaming and don’t stop until I am on the planet’s surface again. A close second to the worst part of these things is some of the puzzles I have to go through just to get to the death cloud. There are a couple that I cannot do without looking up a walkthrough. Though, in the game’s defense, sometimes I just get frustrated trying to do puzzles and give up earlier than I should. Then the next time I play I’m like “Oh yeah! Now I get it!” But still, I hate them. Fuck the vaults. May the darkspawn take them. Wait. Wrong Bioware game.
That’s it from me on this subject. For now. I mean, there are more bits in games I hate. I just hate so much…
